BITCH SLAP!! what the writers should get

PLOT: 3 top heavy girls searching the desert for some diamonds.

CHARACTERS:
Trixie: The weak link, dumber than a brick

Camero: crazy, trying to play the hardcore bitch, tries too hard

Hel: the planner



REVIEW:
You have to watch a lot of crap to find the diamond in the rough.

This is not the diamond

This is crap, and coming from a guy into bad movies, that should be an indicator to run.

This film started promising, with an opening credits montage that wasn't bad. Then, the girls show up...cue over used slow motion tilt from knees to tits. Wouldnt have been bad, had it not happened 47 more times in the movie.

After the glorious slow motion, girls pop the trunk of the car and reveal a guy who looks remarkably like Sean Bean. From here on, the movie is a crescendo of incredibly painful dialogue, fights, and the most infuriating flashbacks i have had the honor of witnessing.

we will get to the dialogue later on. Lets move to fights. The one main fight between the women was actually well choreographed. Some of the hits looked like they actually landed. My one complaint here was the some of the kicks looked like disembodied legs flying around.

I imagine the prop guy with fake legs swinging them around at people. Thankfully there are quick cuts to keep you from noticing.

The rest of the fights, and movie for that matter, way way too much green screen. and the video used looked like they went to "freegreenscreenvideo.com". Or they had extra video and needed to use it.

The flashbacks do little to advance the story. They also have the most random time stamps

"4.17 months ago"

WHAT? what the hell is 4.17 months ago. I am here for cleavage and carnage, not fucking math.

QUOTABLE QUOTES:
not really anything worth repeating...however, i will leave you with a taste of the wonderful writing.

"they tried to fondle our num nums"
"lube my boobs skank twat"

The lesbian insults were out of control. It was like someone created an insult generator using as many derogatory and female anatomy slang words as they could find.


MEMORABLE MOMENTS:
Trixie the Stripper apparently has the same thing between her legs that is in the briefcase of pulp fiction.


BLOOD AND GUTS
Not really too much going on here either.
There was the bladed yo-yo, made some decent looking wounds.
A pretty well done head shot splatter.
chest rake

T&A
No Nudity, save for one background dancer at the strip club.
Lesbian sex scene, aside from being pg-13, wasn't bad.

RANDOM TRIVIA
look for Xena, her sidekick, and one of the dudes from Hercules

RATING: 1 out of 4 possible sets of cleavage
For a movie touting sex and violence, not that impressive. While bad dialogue is given in most of these movies, the writing here was definitely done by 14 year old boys with a list of vagina slang.